


Heartstrings

by mittilla



Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blindness, Bottom Aoi (the GazettE), Fluff, M/M, Scars, Slice of Life, Smut, Top Uruha (the GazettE), but not adding it as a pairing, i love this dynamic, involves, ruki is aoi's older brother in this and I am not sorry, so i am leaving it in the taggs, there is uruki but its brief and onesided, we also have a lot of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22484569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mittilla/pseuds/mittilla
Summary: Kouyou’s scars had always been a part of him, forcing him to often hide in the dark, until one day a man with no sight crosses his path and pulls him into the light.
Relationships: Aoi/Uruha (the GazettE), Reita/Ruki (the GazettE)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello sweethearts and thank you for stopping by  
> Long time no see omg, but here is the first chapter of my new fic. I planned it to be shorter than Allegiance but I am just as invested in it and I really hope you will enjoy reading it. (I am just a bit nervous omg) this story is really important for me and I've wanted to write this for the longest time omg esdrftgyhjik  
> My beta idiocyAngst got into uni and she will be busy and won't be able to continue with her editing (CONGRATS ON GETTING IN BABE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU) but thankfully my friend hedoro decided to help and I think she did an amazing job so far and...  
> I really hope you guys will like what we did! And stay tuned for more omg, I am literally on fire *cries*  
> Allegiance is coming soon too uighjuikl

The library was quiet and warm, just the way Kouyou preferred it. His breathing was calm and his muscles relaxed as the silence engulfed him with its softness.

He used to love crowded, noisy places as a child. He didn’t mind the busy streets and loved the attention he was often granted by either his family or friends. His childhood was a happy one, filled with hours of adventurous exploration of the world around him, and the people he met were always different, entertaining him with their variety of moods and interests, their likes and dislikes.

Kouyou still found himself missing all of that. If only slightly.

His life had taken a drastic turn a few years back, prompting a number of changes since then. One being that he now preferred his own company over that of other people. It was partly his biggest strength - having the independence to go it alone in most aspects of his daily life.

He didn’t need directions if he needed to go somewhere. He was clever in class and never missed a lesson. He always listened to his professors and never failed to submit his work on time, and while he was curious enough to always ask questions he was never too lazy to figure out the answers by himself.

He loved this quality about himself. Perhaps because it was his only, and preferred, way to escape reality, and the questioning judgement in strangers’ eyes every time they passed him on the street or in the hallways. It was a constant barrage, thrown at him in harsh and painful ways – it often cut deep, penetrating his armor of indifference and chipping away at his cold facade.

There was a time, though, when those looks were full of love and people would compliment Kouyou’s hair, saying how soft it looked or how it was a beautiful shade of blond. They’d stare at his face, blushing while examining his alluring features, admiring his beauty that earned him more than a few flirtatious looks from people in the past.

However, that was all gone and now Kouyou simply preferred to hide. Literally.

Ever since enrolling in university, the library had been a source of solitude for Kouyou. It brought him a comfort that he needed and craved. In a quiet area far removed from the other students was where he felt safest, and he was perfectly content with that, just himself and his thoughts for company, as the days rolled by. 

That was until he’d returned one day to find that his solitude had been invaded by another person.

Kouyou hadn’t paid the man much attention the first time he saw him. Frankly, he was sitting at the back near the darkest part of Kouyou’s favourite section and Kouyou didn’t feel too bothered by his presence since he kept his distance.

However when the next day came and Kouyou found the man in the library again, he soon realised it wasn’t a one off occurrence. Again and again Kouyou would find him sitting in the same spot, until he became a constant in Kouyou’s lonely routine.

The first time Kouyou gained the courage to examine him closer was a week ago. It also happened that it was the first time Kouyou had ever felt himself intrigued by someone’s looks.

The man had a slender frame which was silhouetted by his neat, black clothes and his long, black hair that fell loosely over his shoulders in an effortless mess. It framed his long face, softening his angular features and high cheekbones. And, lastly, there was his full lips which seemed like they were permanently stuck in a semi-smile.

Kouyou had found himself captivated by it all and it took him a while to notice the empty, blank look in the man’s eyes.

When he finally glanced at them Kouyou saw a hollow, dark gaze that sent chills down his spine. At that moment Kouyou realised the man was there not just because of the seclusion this section of library afforded them.

He was there because he was blind.

It left Kouyou feeling unsettled at first and he found himself pitying the man, but it didn’t last long as Kouyou kept watching him from afar, studying his movements and everything he did. With each day that passed, Kouyou continued to observe the man and before he knew it, he found himself fascinated by the other man’s way of moving around and going about his business.

The man never used anything for guidance yet he never bumped into any of the tables or bookshelves. It looked as if he had memorised his route by heart. Kouyou had heard about the many ways blind people navigated life, from counting steps to memorising where objects were as well as the placement of furniture in the rooms they entered, yet it felt oddly satisfying to watch someone make use of all that information without making a single mistake.

It seemed surreal and inhuman to Kouyou. Hence he kept coming back to watch the man each day for as long as he could.

And, after that, it didn’t take long for it to dawn on Kouyou that it wasn’t just the other man’s behaviour that drew his attention so much, it was also his face and the serene expression that he often wore. He’d never seen someone so beautiful before, it was almost embarrassing how Kouyou’s face heated up every time their gazes met.

Although he knew the other man couldn’t see him, the excitement Kouyou felt and the tingle in his stomach was real. It sent his emotions into a frenzied mess every time.

Today was no different as Kouyou sat in his chair, motionless and mesmerized by the man’s silhouette. He seemed focused on the book in front of him and Kouyou watched as his fingers traced the pages carefully. His thin eyebrows locked in a cute frown occasionally, and Kouyou found himself wondering what his book was about. He felt the urge to ask even, but couldn’t find his voice.

He didn’t want to intrude so simply observed and appreciated the man he had the luck to meet – even if Kouyou remained in the shadows and never made his existence known. It was better that way, anyways.

“When are you going to speak to me?”

The question sounded like a thunderbolt in Kouyou’s ears, it broke the silence in the library and made him jump in his seat while his breath halted.

“I know you’re there, you’ve been there for quite a while actually. It’s getting creepy at this point.”

Kouyou couldn’t believe his eyes or his ears as he stared at the man with wide eyes, unmoving and glued to his seat. The raven haired man had known about his presence the whole time and that realization alone was enough to turn Kouyou into a flustered puddle of embarrassment. His thoughts were in chaos and a cold sweat began to appear on his forehead. He had never felt so scared and stunned at the same time ever before in his life.

“It’s getting a bit frightening too,” the man spoke again, but Kouyou couldn’t move let alone reply.

Not now, not after finally hearing the other man’s voice. It stunned Kouyou in the sweetest of ways and swept him into a moment of bliss. The man’s voice was tender and soft, yet… strong and stern – a paradox that left Kouyou feeling both scolded and attacked.

But for some reason he didn’t mind it one bit.

“What do you want?”

This time the man’s voice was noticeably lower and Kouyou couldn’t ignore the nervous gaze directed his way – he was distressed, and Kouyou’s lack of response wasn’t helping. In fact it was scaring him, maybe more than Kouyou could even imagine.

He tried to open his mouth but something stopped him from speaking up. He felt suffocated as the tension in the air suddenly grew stronger. Finally Kouyou managed to get a grip on his thoughts, if he couldn’t manage words then he could at least try to move and notify the man that he was right about Kouyou’s existence.

So, he rose from his seat, letting the chair slide against the wooden floor.

The sharp noise and movement alerted the other man and Kouyou noticed how his entire frame shivered.

Kouyou’s mouth felt dry as nervously made his way over. His steps were slow and careful, echoing in between the rows of bookshelves around them, and when he finally took a seat in front of the man, a deep sigh escaped his lungs.

A couple of seconds passed in awkward silence as Kouyou stared at the man opposite him. He was tense, ridgid like a statue, and on edge as his senses worked to assess every sound Kouyou made.

He couldn’t blame him, Kouyou knew that his behavior was far from normal, verging on a bit too weird even for himself. But he couldn’t help his curiosity. He was that intrigued by the other man.

“What happened to your eyes?”

The man’s eyebrows instantly locked into a frown. He looked annoyed by Kouyou’s question but Kouyou hadn’t known what to say, he was bad at conversations and, frankly, he hadn’t had a proper conversation in so long.

His home was empty most of the time as he no longer lived with his family and the lack of human contact only added to his deteriorating social skills. Not that Kouyou ever minded his blunt nature, but at times it painted him in a negative light in other’s eyes and left him unsettled.

“Is that the most interesting thing about me?” the man asked in a tone that confirmed Kouyou’s fears.

He had just insulted him with his question, and against his better judgement… Kouyou decided to ignore it.

“No, but it's the most recent thing I found out about you.”

The man’s expression remained the same yet, somehow, his gaze had changed despite the emptiness in his eyes.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because I don't know you.”

And he was right. The man had no obligation to reveal anything to Kouyou. Not now after he had scared and insulted him. But, with his curiosity growing by the second, Kouyou couldn't stop himself from muttering his next words.

“If I become your friend one day, will you tell me your story then?”

“If by some miracle you manage to gain my trust... maybe.”

The man grew more and more defensive with each minute that passed but his voice didn’t seem as hostile as it once was. It told Kouyou that maybe he had a chance to fix the damage he’d done. But first he had to show the other man that he didn’t mean him any harm; he needed to act like a normal person.

“I’m sorry… My name is Kouyou Takashima.”

The man didn’t respond immediately, but when he did, he sounded calmer.

“I’ll remember that.”

Kouyou waited for a hot second, expecting the other man to say more. But when he never it left Kouyou oddly deflated, and an unfamiliar sadness rushed over him. He shoved the foreign feeling aside and pushed on.

“And you are?” he asked eagerly but the other’s response was just as cold as it was a moment ago.

“I’ll think about it.”

For some reason, Kouyou’s heart almost broke. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy to break the ice between them, but he hadn’t expected to feel so affected by everything the man said or did - or didn’t say in this case.

“I understand, sorry,” Kouyou said in a low, broken voice and that seemed to have an unexpected effect on the other man.

“You can call me Aoi for now.”

Kouyou smiled brightly, elated at the response. If Aoi could see him, he would probably think Kouyou mad from how wide he was smiling.

“I like it,” he said softly and lowered his gaze, feeling contented and happier than he had felt in a long time.

Kouyou eyed the book Aoi had been reading before he sat down. It lay open on the table, temporarily abandoned.

“What is your book about?”

Aoi hesitated for a moment but his features quickly softened.

“I’m reading Harry Potter.”

Before he could think and stop himself, Kouyou snorted.

“Excuse me?” Aoi was back in defensive mode again. “I like fantasy.”

“Those books are for kids though.” Kouyou smirked.

“So? I like them. Do I look like a kid?”

Kouyou didn’t reply immediately, instead he took the time to study Aoi’s face. Aoi was annoyed, yes, but his lips and eyebrows had formed the most perfect frown Kouyou had ever seen. He looked beautiful in every state or emotion he expressed.

Kouyou decided he was beginning to get a little too obsessed with it all.

“No,” he sighed, still mesmerized by the cute frown Aoi still wore on his face. “You don’t look like a kid.”

“What books do you like then?” Aoi tried to tease him but Kouyou’s answer came far too quick.

“Sad ones.”

An awkward silence followed afterwards and the frown on Aoi’s face melted into something less irritated. He looked almost sad, unsettled in a way that wasn’t due to annoyance. It gave Kouyou pause, and left him feeling alarmed.

He had made Aoi uncomfortable - he needed to steer the conversation in a lighter direction, fast.

“Why is that you don't wear glasses?”

Wrong turn.

“You’re one of those idiots that think we wear glasses for cosmetic purposes aren't you?” 

Well, he was absolutely right. Kouyou was exactly that type of idiot. Aoi seemed to have picked up on it up fast because he only sighed, before teasing him again.

“Why should I hide my eyes. They’re quite beautiful, aren’t they?”

“They are.”

Once again, Kouyou’s mouth was faster to engage than his brain and by the time he realised what he had said, it was already too late. It didn’t feel as bad as his previous slip up though because this time… He was granted an image he didn’t expect to experience so soon.

Aoi blushed, his skin turning a bright shade of pink.

Kouyou’s heart nearly stopped its beating, just long enough for him to relish in the moment, because oh boy, Aoi’s beauty had just increased a hundredfold.

“It’s the light, we are sensitive to light.” Aoi replied softly and Kouyou’s insides twisted into knots.

“Can you tell me more?” Kouyou asked and it was then he saw Aoi smile for the first time.

And it almost took Koyou’s breath away.

“Most blind people don’t get completely blind, you know? We see light and we are quite sensitive to it,” Aoi continued and Kouyou simply watched him, absorbing every new detail Aoi’s calm expression provided him. “There are some conditions in which people still wear glasses to hide them, but it’s usually just to lessen the probability of getting a migraine. I keep mine in my bag when I’m not outside, but if I forget my glasses at home and have to survive a whole day without them… My god, the headaches are extreme. I don’t wish that on anyone.”

It was such an enthralling sight, to watch Aoi speak. His eyes were empty yet so emotive, they reflected the underlying feelings of frustration in Aoi’s words as they spilled from his soft lips. And Kouyou took his time examining those, too. Their shape as they formed words, the way they parted for air; for a moment, they looked so inviting that Kouyou had to pause, to lick his own lips as his mouth suddenly felt too dry.

Aoi was indeed gorgeous and with such an addictive voice, Kouyou was sure he could stay there and listen to him for hours on end without ever noticing how much time had passed.

“Anything else, that you’ve been wondering about blind people?” Aoi asked with a smirk that made Kouyou’s face heat up in an instant.

“I…” he began but was quickly cut off by a ringing sound. It made them jolt in their seats and Aoi quickly pulled out a phone from his pants, shutting it soon after.

“That’s my brother,” he spoke awkwardly and he stood up.

Their moment was over so suddenly, it took several seconds for Kouyou to follow him in rising from his seat.

“He’s probably outside,” Aoi explained as he quickly gathered the books from the table and went to the shelves, putting them back in their respective places.

Kouyou watched him with piqued interest and as he thought… Aoi never made a single mistake on his route around the library. It was so fascinating to watch, Kouyou was rendered speechless once again. Aoi wasn’t just beautiful and mysterious. He was unique in so many other ways, and Kouyou wanted to explore them all.

When Aoi returned, he reached forward in search, it took a moment for him to find where his jacket and belongings were. Kouyou felt a sudden urge to help, but an odd feeling made him freeze in his spot.

And, of course, Aoi didn’t need his help at all because just a minute later he was dressed in his winter attire, ready to venture outside into the snow. Like the rest of his attire, Aoi’s jacket was also black; it reached his knees and accentuated his slender form even more.

Aoi looked perfect, and Kouyou couldn’t get enough of it all.

“Can I see you tomorrow again?”

“If I say no, would you listen to me?” Aoi asked but with a smirk on his face and it dawned on Kouyou that Aoi was teasing him again. Nevertheless, Aoi had a point.

“I have nowhere else to go when I’m not in class… I like it here,” Kouyou muttered and he noticed the way Aoi’s smirk faltered a bit.

“Here in the Braille section?” he teased again, but Kouyou just smiled. “Can you even read Braille?”

Kouyou rolled his eyes. “You can teach me.”

“Maybe if you stop hiding in the shadows I will.”

Aoi’s smile was genuine as he spoke and Kouyou stared at his face once more, noticing the way his eyes had changed, and it almost felt as if Aoi could see him right then. It felt so different and so overwhelming, Kouyou was speechless.

The silence that followed felt comforting and right. It left Kouyou feeling accepted and calm, in ways he had never experienced before.

“It was nice meeting you, Kouyou,” Aoi said and quickly left Kouyou as he headed to the exit at the back.

Just like the many times before, Kouyou simply followed Aoi with his gaze and watched him disappear behind the shelves. This time, though, Kouyou felt different. There was no sadness or anxiety torturing his mind. He felt happy and oddly satisfied, as if he had accomplished something important today. He kept reminiscing about Aoi’s words, the timbre of his voice and every expression he made. They were like small treasures for Kouyou and he had tucked them away deep in his mind to cherish and never forget.

Kouyou felt ready to leave the library, for once, while it was still daylight out; maybe he’d even walk home. It was something he hadn’t done in months and it excited him in newfound ways, but then... as he walked past the windows on his way out, he caught his reflection in the glass.

There he saw a man he knew too well. A complete copy of himself but marked in ways that rid Kouyou of all his current happiness. He still had his small nose, his plump pout and long, soft hair, but his eyes were just as broken and empty as they had been for the longest time.

A scar cut through his eyebrow and down the left side of his face, it extended over his cheek to reach his jaw. It was a mark he’d been forced to wear for years now, it had changed his life drastically, in ways he would never have imagined. People shunned him, treated him horribly. It was the reason why he’d been so scared to approach Aoi these past few weeks, but it felt so new and refreshing to have someone talk to him without looking at him with judgemental eyes.

It felt so addictive and so good, Kouyou almost forgot about the reality of his looks. 

But now he was alone again and, once again, he no longer felt normal… He was an outcast in society. Yet, for the first time in so long, Kouyou felt something warm inside his chest. It almost burned him and he felt a certain heat reach his face in a way he had never felt before. It was the spark of newfound hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried omg. I hope I did my job well while researching things and not only. I spent a lot of time building their charas and damn I am excited. Please if you have time after reading it....let me know what you think guys. I really need some guidance bc the topic is tricky and it could be sensitive and I really need to know If I am on the right path with this.  
> Thank you for reading and getting this far. It means the world to me. I promise it'll be updated regularly hehe ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter dropped quite fast lol I am shocked myself but hedoro has been editing nonstop ever since I sent her the files.  
> BIG KUDDOS FOR THE HARDWORKING BAB I almost feel bad omfg  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter crii

“He is so beautiful,” Kouyou said with a soft smile as he thought of Aoi.

His face, the expressions Aoi made as he mulled things over or laughed at something he found funny, had never once left Kouyou’s mind ever since he had laid eyes on Aoi for the first time. In fact, it had only gotten worse since their first interaction.

Now Aoi was all Kouyou talked about and his therapist seemed to enjoy hearing about him too. Encouraged by it, Kouyou was often only all too eager to share his experiences involving Aoi with his therapist. To Kouyou their sessions felt lighter and happier, and they often left him with a warm feeling instead of the usual sadness and despair that accompanied talking about his past.

It had only been a couple of weeks since their first exchange of words but Aoi had already become a major part of Kouyou’s routine. For his part, Kouyou now spent most of his time in the university grounds, following Aoi around and making sure he was alright and taken care of.

However - as was the case with most stalkers - Kouyou was still too much of a coward to actually reveal his presence to Aoi in any public spaces. But unlike most stalkers, there was still hope for Kouyou: he wasn't completely creepy and inept - as long as he resided in the library, where it was quiet and safe and comfortable.

It was only in that specific setting where he felt confident enough to approach Aoi.

But even in between those brief yet blissful library meetups, Kouyou remained completely entranced by Aoi and inevitably - as with all obsessed individuals - reverted back to a state of semi-professional stalker, in which Kouyou made sure to memorize every little fact and detail about Aoi that was inadvertently revealed to him.

By now he knew Aoi’s favorite bench in the park, that he loved hot chocolate and to spend time on the balcony of the university’s top floor; that Aoi only wore dark clothes, that they always fit just so and accentuated his frame, and matched the colour of his eyes and hair - which still managed to take Kouyou’s breath away every time they met.

“You saw him this morning, didn’t you? Have you talked to him today?” his therapist asked, his smile matching the softness of Kouyou’s own smile.

“No,” Kouyou shook his head and sighed. “He doesn’t come to the library on Mondays.”

“Kouyou…” His therapist sighed and his smile faltered somewhat. ”You still hide don’t you? You still avoid approaching him in public places?”

“Yes. Now please stop asking me about this. Please, Takanori.” Kouyou’s answer was instant, with a finality that allowed zero chance for retaliation. His choice determined and his mind made up.

The fear of approaching Aoi where everyone could see them had almost choked him in the past. There were too many questions in his head and too many doubts that tortured him every time such an idea formed.

What could happen if Aoi was seen with someone like him? What would other people say to Aoi when Kouyou wasn’t around? What would they reveal to him and what he would think of Kouyou once he found out the truth?

It gave Kouyou chills even now, just by simply thinking about it.

“Have you tried calling his phone then? Maybe calling him, instead of approaching him in those spaces, would make you feel better and ease the tension you feel?”

“I can’t. I’m not ready yet.”

Again, Kouyou’s answer was stern and delivered decisively. It was obvious to Takanori that there was no point in them discussing it right now so Takanori simply changed the subject, for which Kouyou felt thankful.

“It still baffles me; that he talks to you, you know.” Takanori smiled again. “I may not agree with how it all began but I can see a positive change in you.”

“Really?” Kouyou’s face lit up again, his smile back accompanied by a twinge in his chest. “I was scared to tell you about him at first. I thought you might call the police.”

“I know you, Kouyou. You wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Takanori said, his tone kind and tender. “You seem happier and I’m glad.”

And he was right. Kouyou hadn’t felt so happy in years, and it was all thanks to Aoi alone. It occurred to Kouyou that maybe it was dangerous for him to be this attached but he didn’t mind it one bit. The trust he had in Aoi was so large, it overpowered every other thought in Kouyou’s head.

Aoi was far too pure and kind, Kouyou knew he would never hurt him - at least not intentionally. He had so many chances to chase Kouyou away but he never, and it seemed as if they were getting closer instead of growing apart. Even if Kouyou’s newfound happiness was bound to Aoi, he felt safe and calm knowing that his happiness was in good hands.

“You have feelings for him,” Takanori spoke up, breaking the thoughtful silence that had filled the space between them. “You like him, don’t you?”

“I… don’t know.” Kouyou sighed as a sudden wave of emotions washed over him and made him tremble. “I think… it's more than that. But I’ve never…”

The words got stuck in his throat and Kouyou had to swallow hard before he was able to take another breath.

“You’ve never been attracted to someone before?” Takanori suggested, trying to help him, and Kouyou simply nodded in response. “Have you had any fantasies yet?”

The question caught Kouyou off guard and he instantly blushed as he avoided Takanori’s gaze. It was a strange feeling and a new type of embarrassment that sent his emotions into an arrested chaos. It made him tense up and he realised that the unsettled feeling which followed came not from the existence of such fantasies, but rather… the fact he had none.

“I can’t fantasise about him,” he breathed and lowered his head in defeat.

“It’s normal to have fantasies, Kouyou. Even a simple date or something similar - a setting with you both...”

“I just can't imagine him with someone like me,” Kouyou blurted out and he winced as he felt pain rising in his chest. His skin prickled as fear settled inside him like a deadweight, while his breathing grew shallow and panicked. Kouyou felt nauseous. “I’m not worthy of him.”

Kouyou refused to look at Takanori this time but he heard another sigh. Takanori was probably getting annoyed by his unyielding stubbornness but Kouyou couldn’t help the emotions that tortured him all the time. His insecurities had always followed him wherever he went. The scars he wore haunted him not only in reality but even in his dreams.

There was no escaping it, he couldn't stop those fears from eating him inside out.

And then his mind made him remember a certain night he spent in agony, just a mere week ago. It was something that had scared him deeply and he refused to think about ever since, but he knew Takanori had to know about it, no matter how scary or personal it was.

“I had a nightmare,” Kouyou stated, and paused briefly to give Takanori time to speak should he feel the need to say anything. However, Takanori remained silent, instead choosing to listen patiently. Kouyou licked his lips nervously as he prepared to confess his thoughts. “I was with him at the library again. He was talking to me and I felt like kissing him, so I did. Our lips touched, but something happened…”

Kouyou’s hands grew clammy and he winced again as he remembered the tears and how hurt he felt when he woke up that night. He knew it would hurt just as much to say it aloud today. “When I pulled away, his sight was back… He saw me. And then he attacked me.”

Kouyou’s voice was barely a whisper when he finished talking. His chest felt heavy and the memory of it all flashed before his eyes for a moment more before he closed them, willing the nightmare away, and tried to take a deep, calming breath.

“He tried to choke me,” Kouyou added, and the silence that followed felt dreadful. It absorbed all of the air surrounding him and he began to suffocate until it brought him physical pain.

“You haven’t told him, have you?”

“No.”

Another sigh escaped Takanori and Kouyou felt cornered - trapped in a way that quickly replaced his anxiety with anger instead. He knew that Takanori was about to lecture him again, and he failed to hide the loathsome look that always showed on his face.

It never stopped his therapist from pushing him however.

“I know he can’t actually see you, but by not telling him you’re avoiding the problem. Worse still is that you’re also hiding from it. This person might have the power to help you get through this. He might even help you heal, but first… you need to let him in to do so.”

Takanori’s words were the same every time, and Kouyou averted his gaze, avoiding his penetrating eyes. He knew what Takanori was trying to do, and he couldn’t blame him for his honesty, but sometimes it was too much for Kouyou’s heart to bear.

“You have to be honest and truthful with him or you might spoil this relationship...”

“I know, dammit,” Kouyou interrupted him, not realising that his annoyance was beginning to show.

Takanori’s gaze was sharp, warning Kouyou that his tone was inappropriate. Kouyou relented and when he continued, he tried his best to sound much calmer. “I’ll tell him… I'm just not ready yet.”

Takanori didn’t reply after that and Kouyou hoped that there’d be no more lecturing for now.

Thankfully when Kouyou took a glance at his watch, he saw that their time was up for today. He felt better instantly and for the first time in so long, he also felt eager to go outside and grab some fresh air.

Takanori caught on to Kouyou’s change of mood and was quick to tease him with his next words.

“You know I’m not done with you yet, right?”

At that moment Kouyou snorted and smiled triumphantly at him. “You are for now.”

They rose up from their seats and Kouyou prepared to leave, gathering his things and putting his jacket and scarf on. The weather was exceptionally cold today but Kouyou felt warmer than he had ever been. It was a change that he enjoyed quite a bit and it was all thanks to the emotions that swirled inside him, ever since he had met Aoi a couple weeks back.

As he went to leave Takanori’s office, after throwing a few more jokes at him and teasing Takanori for his short frame, Takanori’s parting words hit him like a rock.

“Don’t forget to talk to him. The sooner the better.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will...” he grumbled.

Kouyou tried to brush it off, and even though his mood remained in good spirits, those last words stuck with him, spinning inside Kouyou head long after he had left Takanori’s office and was back outside.

Once he entered the park nearby, he took several deep breaths. He kept it up until his mind was clear again and then he went to the nearest bench, where he flopped down as his body felt like it needed to rest. Kouyou wasn’t sure what exactly caused him to feel so nervous all over again, but he couldn’t blame Takanori’s words for it. His therapist was right though, and Kouyou couldn’t help but sigh to himself.

Even though he and Aoi seemed to be in a good place right now, there was something that left Kouyou unsettled every time they met. It almost felt as if something was left unfinished and no matter how hard Kouyou tried to find a solution to that feeling, it stuck with him no matter what.

The fact that he was attracted to Aoi confused him to an extent and his worries worsened every time he tried to figure out what it meant. He never thought about what it’d be like to have a boyfriend, much less how he’d feel.

His body had reacted a few times in a way that made Kouyou wonder about how Aoi would feel against his skin, but so far he always chose to ignore these thoughts. He never allowed his mind to go too far, despite the urge Kouyou felt to explore this part of his mind, and he felt bad for hiding it from Takanori today, but it also felt right to keep it to himself.

Besides, he wasn’t yet ready to admit these desires to himself, let alone anyone else - therapist or not.

He didn’t know if Aoi trusted him yet, and, frankly, Kouyou couldn’t outright ask him that despite his blunt nature. Again, there was no way for Kouyou to find out without him doing something about it first.

Kouyou sighed once more and slowly took out his phone, he stared at the display for a whole minute before gaining the courage to unlock it and search for Aoi’s name in the contacts. When he finally found it, he froze.

His mind went crazy with thoughts that only served to scare Kouyou further, but then he remembered Takanori’s calm voice and his soft words. Takanori had always looked out for him, he’d never given Kouyou any bad advice nor had he ever deliberately steered him wrong. Kouyou knew he could trust him, and once again he did just that.

He dialled Aoi’s number, and slowly moved the phone to his ear. The sound of the dial tone calmed his nerves in the time it took for Aoi to pick up.

There was a short pause at first, and the hair at the back of Kouyou’s neck stood on end.

“Hello?” Aoi’s soft voice caressed Kouyou’s nerves some more and when he spoke back, he was back to his relaxed state.

“Hey.”

Aoi snorted and Kouyou sensed that he was about to be teased again.

“I can’t believe you called this number. I didn’t think you’d know how to.”

“Thanks, Aoi,” Kouyou retorted and heard Aoi giggle.

The whole situation felt too surreal, and Kouyou fell silent again. He never really called anyone, except his father. It was rare for him to talk on the phone even with his other siblings and now he simply didn’t know what to do nor how to develop the conversation further. The seconds rolled by, however, and Kouyou didn’t even realise how awkward Aoi was beginning to feel.

“What’s wrong?” Aoi asked, sounding worried.

“I just…” Kouyou blurted out, but was rendered speechless soon after - as if he had lost his voice.

“Is everything okay?” Aoi asked softly this time, and Kouyou felt chills run down his spine.

He knew what he had to do and what he was supposed to say but when he opened his mouth, his words spilled out in a vocal mess.

“Doyouwanttocometosomeplacewithme?”

“What?”

Kouyou had to take a deep breath and when he did, he simply closed his eyes before asking his question again.

“I… Um… Do you want to go someplace with me? Instead of going to the library I mean?”

There was a short pause, and when Aoi spoke again, he seemed alarmed.

“What place?”

“Downtown.”

“How do we get there?”

“With my car.”

There was another pause after that and Kouyou was almost certain that Aoi was going to tell him to fuck off.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you at the library’s entrance then.”

Aoi’s answer hit Kouyou like a ton of bricks and he simply stared into space unable to comprehend what was happening.

“Kou?” Aoi’s worried voice managed to pull him out of his stupor and when he replied, Kouyou’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Okay. See you then, Kou.”

When the call ended, Kouyou didn’t move for a while. He kept the device next to his ear and breathed in several times. It was still so surreal to him, he wanted to stay in the moment just a bit longer.

He’d done it! He had called Aoi for the first time and actually constructed comprehensible sentences. It was another accomplishment for Kouyou and he felt so much calmer and so much better about everything surrounding him right then.

The weather was still cold but his heart was hot and burning with passion that had just been unlocked. Kouyou didn’t wait a minute more as he finally rose up from the bench and searched for his car. He knew exactly where he wanted to take Aoi today and he was eager to do so too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this was a bit sad, but this fic still feels light to me and I really loved writing it. I needed something like this omg.  
> I hope no one minds a sassy Yuu tho, bc it comin' and I ain't sorry.


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